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The young couple -- and, for one session, the wife's mother -- came to therapy to find ways to resolve this ongoing conflict and, working together, were able to do so.In many other cases, young adults and their parents simply struggle, feeling hurt, torn and confused about the changing roles and rules that new marriage and new parenthood bring into the family dynamic.They imagine that babysitting your grandkids is a privilege -- at their convenience -- and too often don't think about how lovely it would be to simply have family time together. They think that their parents will be there forever, that there will always be time to get together, to do this or do that together someday.They figure that as long as things are humming along in their lives, why call you with any details? When you're 20 or 25 or 30, unless you've had the misfortune to lose a parent at a very young age, it's hard to imagine not having your parents around for years and years to come.

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And so a young adult can be quite casual about keeping in touch during these busy, self-involved years.

Conflicting Expectations -- Yours: Maybe you have this dream of duplicating what you had with your parents in another generation.

Conflicting Expectations -- Theirs: There are some adult children, always on the receiving end of parental largesse, who expect that nothing will change as the years go by.

Even when you retire and are on a fixed income, they ask for and expect financial help. And, for many just starting out in young adulthood with its endless horizons of possibilities, there is a tendency to deny the limits of time.

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