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We haven't been trying to get pregnant for almost four years and not once in all of these years of not trying have we managed to get even a little bit pregnant. Oh, and if God has visited you and given you an inside scoop to my life purpose, I would suggest you find your way to the nearest psychiatric hospital. Another of the God ones that should to go unsaid: "Maybe God knew you wouldn't have made a good parent." Following this logic one would have to infer that all the people who have children are great parents. I love you very much, but I just cannot throw you a shower or even go to your shower. This is not something you say to a woman who was not able to have one child. "I have a very small family, I only have four kids." Please be quiet. "You can be a mother to your friends kids." I know people mean well by this. This is a wound and emptiness that will be with me forever.One trip to Mc Donalds will disprove this absurd theory. Sometimes the mere act of taking a shower makes me cry. "I am thinking about having an abortion." No, do not tell me this. But, to those of you who say such things, let me tell you that babysitting for your kids is not the same thing as being a parent. Infertility is, as Shelagh Little writes, "like a low-level, lifelong bio-psychosocial syndrome. Maybe just one more IVF and you will get pregnant." This is one that really gets to me.And, those who work in a reproductive endocrinologists office, you might want to give copies of this to each patient and have them give it out to their friends and family as they begin treatment. Really, people need to learn what is okay and not okay to women who have extremely high levels of stress and estrogen. "You must not have wanted to have a child or you would have one." Really, is that the problem? I find the notion of adopting in order to get pregnant totally unconscionable. "Do you want to go to Chucky Cheese, Disneyland, Toys R Us or to the American Doll store with me? I want to go to a bar and drink a bottle of Vodka and smoke a carton of cigarettes -- would you care to join me? "I had six kids, and as soon as I had them I realized I didn't want to be a mother." It was 6th child that made you realize this?If you want to adopt then you adopt, but you don't do it as a means of getting pregnant. God doesn't want you to be pregnant," or, my personal non-favorite, "God wants you to be in service and if you had a child you couldn't do God's will." Please, please, I beg you, unless God has phoned you up or shown up in your living room with choirs of angels, would you please do me a favor and not be a spokes person for any deity on my behalf. When talking, it is important to be aware of your audience. " I did, and it hurt more than the IVF when the mother decided she had changed her mind and she would instead go on welfare and drop out of school so she could keep her child. And by the way, even if I managed to adopt, I would still be grieving the loss of not being able to have my husband's child. Here's one I am getting a lot of lately: "Get over it." I am not likely to get over it.I don't know if Miss Manners, Martha Stewart or any other blond woman keen on handing out the rules of genteel and polite society has come out with a primer on things best not to say to women who have been pumped full of mind-altering hormones and endured an alphabet soup of invasive procedures (ART, IVFs, ICSI's, IUI's), miscarriages and/or had failed adoptions.So even though I am only a redhead who occasionally confuses my desert fork with my salad fork, I thought I would take this matter into my own hands and create a guide of what not to say to someone who is infertile, going through infertility treatment or has just had a miscarriage. "If you would just change your beliefs about all of this, you would get pregnant. " This question always makes me want to ask the well-meaning questioner if they have seen my middle finger. I believed so strongly that I had names and furniture and preschools picked out.Although many women may be labeled infertile without a clear reason behind it, one bright spot for women experiencing infertility in their 20s is that they may be more likely to get an answer to that wrenching question: “Why?

But their treatment options are largely the same as those available to women who are no longer in their 20s.Several fertility experts said they had never heard of a young woman being turned away from IVF or denied coverage because of their age, as is reportedly the case with a 24-year-old woman in the U. who says she was denied coverage for it until she turns 30. That could include taking time to work on weight loss if they think obesity is hampering ovulation, he said, or spreading each treatment out a little longer.But they do say they are likely to be more conservative with younger patients. Occasionally, however, a woman’s young age can work against her. After that, there was more trying, more tests and the discovery that she had premature ovarian failure. “And I was only 29." Age is one of the main factors that can drive up a woman's risk of infertility, which affects approximately 10 percent of women between the ages of 15 to 44. “I just knew something wasn’t right.” Her OB-GYN recommended a fertility specialist, who eventually recommended surgery for what was determined to be endometriosis.

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